Greatest Love Songs Ever: #24 “Do You Love me?”

By Tom Quiner, Board President, Pulse Life Advocates

What IS this thing called love? That’s the question Cole Porter poses in a song by that very title.

Sheldon Harnick, lyricist for “Fiddler on the Roof” poses a different question in this renown musical when our protagonist asks, “Do you love me?”

You see, Tevye, the most beloved of all Broadway characters, had his spouse, Golde, thrust upon him via an arranged marriage. In fact, he met her for the first time ON THEIR WEDDING DAY.

That was the Jewish custom in this musical set in Tsarist Russia in 1905. Forget about finding Mr. Right; forget about soul mates. You had no say in the matter: your parents (usually the father) viewed the marriage sacrament as transactional. In other words, what did your future son-in-law bring to the table? How big was your future daughter-in-law’s dowry?

In this era of no-fault divorce, the idea of arranged marriage seems preposterous.

So 25 years into his marriage contract, Tevye is challenged by his progressive daughter to allow her to select and marry her suitor out of love, in direct contradiction to Jewish tradition.

Tevye is aghast. But he can’t help but reflect on this thing called love. What exactly is it? He shyly asks his stolid wife if she loves him.

Golde hedges her bets: 

“… you’re upset, you’re worn out,

Go inside, go lie down!

Maybe it’s indigestion.”

Tevye persists: “I’m asking you a question: Do you love me?”

An exasperated Golde fires back:

“Do I love you?

For twenty-five years I’ve washed your clothes,

Cooked your meals, cleaned your house,

Given you children, milked the cow.

After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?”

You have to watch the video above to the end for the song’s denouement. The exchange between this husband and wife reveals the depth of love: it can be (and hopefully is!) romantic. But it is also dutiful. It is practical. It IS a contract.

St. Paul offers one of the best definitions of love beginning in 1 Corinthians 13:4:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails.

“What is This Thing Called Love?”

I referenced Cole Porter’s song, “What Is This Thing Called Love?” at the outset. The non-believing Porter nonetheless offers up one side of the ‘love’ equation:

“I saw you there one wonderful day;

You took my heart and threw it away

That’s why I ask the Lord in Heaven above,

What is this thing called love?”

Not Porter’s best lyric (above/love is an easy and trite rhyme). But it presents the logical opening salvo in our exploration of this utterly mysterious thing called love. Is it just a feeling? No. Is it just milking the cows? No. It’s all of that and more, much more, because God is love. And God is a big idea! Just for the fun of it, I posted a particularly dramatic rendition of the song above sung by Gwyneth Paltrow, even though it did not make my list.

So Tevye’s conversation with Golde whimsically dramatizes the two dead-serious questions posed above: 1) What is this thing called Love? … and … 2) Do You Love Me?

An honest assessment of love

That’s why I rank it 24th in my countdown of the 52 Greatest Love Songs Ever. Any honest assessment of these two questions acknowledges that abortion is a denial of love. 

Abortion is not patient. Couples who bring a child into this world through their choice to engage in sexual relations have denied patience by not abstaining until marriage (the overwhelming majority of abortions take place outside of marriage). 

When an unplanned pregnancy occurs, nine months of patience allows the couple to put their child up for adoption with a loving couple, 35 of whom wait in line to adopt for every child aborted.

And abortion certainly isn’t kind. It kills a human being, the mother and father’s very own child, often in grotesque and painful ways.

That is why Pulse Life Advocates continues this series. Love is the antidote for abortion. Beautiful love songs put us in touch with our humanity and soften our hearts to our neighbors, who include our unborn brothers and sisters.

A simple song is a powerful force in our lives. “Do You Love Me?” is a classic from the Broadway tradition.

We continue with one of Broadway’s wittiest love songs next week by a songwriter you know well.

In the meantime, share this series with your friends. And financially support Pulse to help fund our aggressive pro-life educational outreach. Thank-you.