The genuine pain and heartache of an abortion decision, the choice to willingly give up and sacrifice the life of your child, never completely goes away.  Twenty-five years after my abortion, God led me to a local ministry which helped me begin a life-long process of laying down my pain, mourning, and remembering the child that could have been.  I have had the blessing of compassionate, faithful and non-judgmental friends.  But before I knew the ability to live life without wallowing in self-pity and despair, I experienced the sharp stab of the trauma of an abortion.

My dependency on drugs was a mere counterfeit solution to try to help me feel better about myself.  It was supposed to be a ladder out of the deep, dark, slimy pit I had found myself in. What was in this pit?  A series of depressive episodes that were deplete of any hope.  So deep was the depression, that the thoughts of suicide were all around.  Written on the murky wall as the remedy and only solution for escape.  The consuming thoughts enveloped my mind......leave this world and the sadness will cease.  As a mother, though, I had two other children who needed me.  What could I do?  If I took them with me, it would work.  Sick, twisted thought I know.  The same lies that caused me to make the decision to terminate a pregnancy swirled around me in a different way - take two more innocent lives to relieve the discomfort of the decision to terminate the first.  The trauma of abortion is real.  The trauma of abortion lasts.  The trauma of abortion is an untold story that should be screamed from the rooftops, with a mega phone, and by the masses!

Kristi